The Bible Nerd

I am an introvert and my name is Sean. I have been an introvert for over 40 years. I don’t need to take any more personality tests to tell me that I am an introvert. (it sounds cooler to call myself an “expressive introvert” but it doesn’t magically transform me into an extrovert). On my last personality test, here are a few of my answers:

If you hear the phone ring when you are at home, do you: a) run to the phone excited to see who is calling; b) listen on the answering machine until you are sure it is someone you know; or c) act like you don’t hear it, push ignore when they then try your cellphone, and then wait for the eventual notification sound of a text message when they get desperate to contact you. It might shock you to know that I chose c).

If you go to a party full of people that you don’t know, do you: a) immediately blend into the crowd, meeting as many new people as possible; b) search out at least one person you know and only talk with them b) change the tv channel, because there was no way you were going with your wife to some lame work party where you don’t know anyone, so you stayed home to watch Animal Planet. Again, c) seemed like the wisest choice to me.

The problem with being an introvert AND a Christian at the same time, is that the Bible keeps bugging you about having fellowship with other people. You see, fellowship is one of the main reasons that we have church. In Ephesians 2:14-16, Paul explains how Jesus has brought us all together in the church, “For he (Jesus) himself is our peace,who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself onenew man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.” Paul is speaking about how Jesus has brought the Jews and Gentiles together in the body (the church), but this continues to apply to today’s church. God brings together people who would never have had fellowship together if it wasn’t for Christ.

As I read this verse, I realized how bad my attitude is sometimes about not wanting to hang out with other Christians. It is like I am taking so lightly all that Jesus did so that I could have a new family in the church. One of the ways that the church shows the world the Gospel message is through our fellowship. Unbelievers saw Paul, the Pharisee, hanging out with Gentiles, and thought, “What in the world is going on in there???” Today, unbelievers see people of all races and colors, backgrounds and education levels having fellowship and ask, “How are they getting over all their issues and prejudices?” The answer we give them is that Jesus has brought us together through the reconciliation of the cross. Let us tell you more about that!

Acts 20:7-11 is about God raising Eutychus from the dead through Paul.  You may be wondering what this has to do with fellowship. I was struck by the fact that at first “Paul talked with them, intending to depart on the next day, and he prolonged his speech until midnight. There were many lamps in the upper room where we were gathered.” Their fellowship with Paul and each other was so sweet that no one wanted to leave. It is midnight, and they are still going strong. Well, except for poor Eutychus who fell asleep, fell out the window, and died. I love how Paul prays and he raises from the dead, and then, “when Paul had gone up and had broken bread and eaten, he conversed with them a long while, until daybreak, and so departed.” Wow, and my students think I can talk for a long time! Not even a kid dying and being resurrected stops their fellowship! They keep talking until daybreak!

What I get from this is that they loved having fellowship, and it was something that they WANTED to do. Only daybreak eventually ended their time together. I can still remember when my parents became friends with my best friend’s parents. They were evangelical  Christians who really discipled my parents. We would go to their house, or they would come to ours, and our parents would talk for hours and hours. Of course, we were so happy to have tons of time to hang out as friends, so it worked perfectly for us as kids. So, I ask myself the question, why wouldn’t I WANT to have fellowship too? The answer I came up with was two basic reasons I allow my introverted nature to rule me.

First, I care more about myself than I do other people. If I want to hang out and see a movie or play some Settlers, suddenly I am Mr. Extrovert. I am running to buy snacks and calling all my buddies. If I need someone to talk to, then I will call a friend to go for a run. My fellowship is so self centered, it is pathetic. I should be inviting people to our house for a meal to bless THEM, not just me. A new family joins our church, the best way for me to welcome them is to have them to our house and show interest in them; find out their story. Fellowship doesn’t work that different from marriage. If you are in marriage only to make yourself happy, you are in for some fun times sleeping out on the couch. Don’t sit around having a pity party that no one in the church invites you over, you invite other people over and focus on them.

The second reason was deeper and harder to deal with. I have so seldomly had close friends, that I don’t want to open up my heart to the pain of losing them if they or we move. Being in missions has been wonderful, but missionaries aren’t the most stable group. We are all constantly moving  around the world. I am simply tired of making new friends, much less looking for an inner circle of guys who I can trust with my inner thoughts and loyalty. I look around in my church and see guys I could make an effort to connect with, but I just don’t want to go through the whole process of building relationships. There are amazing families, and our kids are already friends, but then I think it gets even more complicated when you are making friends as a married couple. What if I like to hang out with a guy, and our wives have nothing in common? Just more convenient excuses to not allow anyone to get close to me and possibly break my heart when they move.

So, if my confessions of a Christian introvert resonates with you, it may be time to search the Scriptures and your heart. The New Testament portrays a wonderful gift that Jesus has given the church in the form of fellowship in the church. Your heart may tell you why you are resisting making Christian friends, and to stop giving the old, “I am an introvert” excuse as an easy smokescreen. In the last 5 years, God has given me some of the coolest Christian friends, and I am so thankful that Jesus is healing my heart through fellowship. And no, reading my blog and posting comments doesn’t count as fellowship. Nice try.